Friday. Today is Friday.
The last day of my last week at home on maternity leave.
I’ve never, ever been so sad to see a Friday come.
I’ve spent the past 3 months at home loving on my babies – kissing their pudgy cheeks, tickling their little tummies, adventuring with them, building relationships with them, and watching them grow and change every minute of every single day in an up-close way that I haven’t been able to experience as a a full-time working mom.
I’ve spent the last 3 weeks in heaven.
Next Tuesday, I’ll kiss my babies on the cheek, put my heels on, get in my car, and drive away to my Big Corporate Job. I’ll walk to my desk, paste photos of Baby Liesl all over my cubicle, sit down at my desk, and stare at my computer screen as I cry silent tears.
I’ve done this once before. A little less than 2 years ago. I’m not sure if it’s easier or harder this time. I looked back in my old journal entries/blog post drafts to see if I’d recorded anything from my first day back to work after Oliver was born. I found a journal entry with the filename “First Day Back at Work”. I only wrote a couple paragraphs, and then stopped. All it said was:
Dec. 10, 2013
Yesterday was my first day back at work. My first day working as a mom.
For weeks, I’d ignored the fact that I was returning to work. Like a little kid who closes their eyes so as not to be found in “Hide & Seek”, I tried my hardest not to think about it, willing it not to come.
Of course, it would just so happen that little Oliver comes down with a nasty cold on Saturday afternoon – one so bad it made him projectile vomit several times a day all over Mommy. As if it’s not hard enough to leave a perfectly happy baby – now I have to leave a miserable, pathetic one.
Apparently I wasn’t in a state to write much that night.
And so this Friday I’m not cheering “TGIF!”. Instead, I’m silently willing time to reverse and give me just a few more weeks at home with my babies. And then a few more. And then just a few more.
But because I know time must march on – while I may not be cheering “TGIF”, I am cheering, “Thank God for the past 3 months that I’ve had at home with my babies.”
Opposition is one of the ways God helps us appreciate the blessings in our lives. I have a feeling that I will treasure this sacred, precious time with my kids more and more over the next few months.
So please excuse any tear-stained posts you read over the next few months. It’s therapy for me – a way to process my thoughts and feelings, to move away from self-pity to gratitude, to perhaps connect with other mothers or working mothers and empathize together.